Look I’ve never played soccer (outside of when I was 7 and completely dominated. Was so good the coach actually told my mom it wasn’t fair for the other kids and asked me not to play the next season. So like, that good) so it’s really hard for me to fully grasp the intricacies of the sport.

But after watching some highlights on ESPN, I do not understand how a goalie misses a shot from 30 yards out. It absolutely baffles me. Like it the same as watching baseball on tv and not realizing how fast those balls truly come. You can watch the ball for multiple seconds and react to it. I don’t care what anyone’s take is, or how many years you have played soccer, or what analytics say. If you can jump to touch the crossbar on the net and are able bodied, you should not allow a goal. Period. I don’t care if it’s Ronaldo or Messi or Ibrahimovic, if you allow a goal you’re a fucking bum. Putting all amateur or pro goalies on notice, if I get 2 weeks to train the basics and drop a couple of lb’s I will block every goddamn goal. Book it.

So just a synopsis of this blog. If your job is to guard a a net that is 8 yards wide and 8 feet high, and allow anyone to hit a goal from 30 fucking yards away, you need to quit. Maybe be an accountant or construction worker, but retire from soccer.

Published by Michael Schuler

My sports life is a joke.

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